I have now seen The Clone Wars three times- at least twice more than most critics- and tonight I decided to watch what was going on in the background. What were the clone troopers up to when the Jedi were in the foreground making all their plans? What are all those droids that we’ve never seen before? And what is the deal with Zero the Hutt? Sure, you could go to Wookiepedia (I am not making that up) and probably find factual answers to all of those questions, but since you’re here, my answers to these burning questions and more are as follows:
What Are the Names of the Droids?
- Art Deco Iron Giant Fisting Droids
- Irritating Yellow Roger-Roger Droids
- Rolling Death Balls
- Rabbit Butler Droid
- Giant Walking Microphone Droids
- R2-D2 and less popular droids that look just like him
- C-3P0 and equally popular droids that look just like him
- Bug-Eyed Spider Cannon Droids
- Lying Caretaker/Recorder Droid
- Creepy Hologram Doctor Droid
- Transforming Fighter Droids That Look Totally Like New Cylon Fighters
- Cattle Prod Droids
- Blacklit Nightclub Droids
- Bartender Droid
- Dooku’s Driving Droid
Droids are cool, you may be saying (and if you are, my sympathies); but the most important new addition to the Star Wars canon in this movie is Anakin’s padawan learner assistant girl, Ahsoka. Ahsoka is only 11 years old when we meet her, and like all girls her age, she is constantly wearing a backpack.
What is in Ahsoka’s Backpack?
- Her diary
- Pads, just in case
- My Chemical Romance tickets
- Black lipstick and eyeliner (extra large)
- A scrunchie
- One of those portable palm hologram communicator things
- Emily the Strange keychain
- Jonas Brothers poster magazine
- Lightsaber charger
- Bus pass
What kind of name is Ahsoka, anyway? One that sounds downright normal compared to most names in the movie, that’s what.
Goofy Names in the Star Wars Universe (Clone Wars Edition)
- Anakin – I only realized today that it sounds like “mannequin.”
- Dooku – Sith Master of the Deep Rich Baritone.
- Ventress – in her native language, the name means “not as cool as Darth Maul.”
- Commander Cody and Rex – a pair of old movie serial names if there ever were any.
- Zero the Hutt – having Jabba was bad enough. Adding Jabba’s son was worse. But effeminate, nightclub-owning uncle Zero is one Hutt too many. Three, if you count the other Hutts.
So now you know. See you next week.