Week 32: Hancock II

Cinema 3 is a rerun again, but fear not; I have turned my comics expertise to developing a script for the inevitable sequel to Hancock. Hollywood: you’re welcome.

HANCOCK II
by I. Forbush

ESTABLISHING SHOT of the New York City skyline. HANCOCK suddenly flies past the camera, which follows him on a dizzying path through the streets and between buildings. We hear his voice over a montage of what he has been up to since the first movie.

HANCOCK

Life sure is great for me these days. I’ve got my powers back, everyone loves me in my new city. I feel like the luckiest man in the world.

CUT TO HANCOCK buying a state lottery ticket, which dissolves to him excitedly accepting a gigantic cheque on television.

HANCOCK

But then I won the lottery.

CUT TO a shot of MARY kicking in the doors of the television studio where HANCOCK is collecting his winnings.

MARY

Don’t you mean WE won the lottery, John?

HANCOCK

What are you talking about?

MARY

We’re married! What’s yours is mine- REMEMBER? (MARY extends her left ring finger.)

CUT TO HANCOCK, who is gaping back at MARY with his hands on his face. Pull back to reveal that they are now in family court, with the JUDGE scowling at both of them.

JUDGE

You superheroes think you’re above the law. Well, I’m going to teach you a lesson. I sentence you to six months hard marriage. You have to live together in a surprisingly neat bachelor apartment and report every week to a court-appointed marriage counsellor, who will keep me informed of your progress.

MARY and HANCOCK

(Together) What?!

JUDGE

You heard me. And you’d better play along with me on this, or I will tie up that money in legal red tape for so long that you will never see it.

HANCOCK

Your honor, that doesn’t make any damn sense, and yet I am compelled to follow your instructions.

MARY

Are you insane? We’re superheroes, we don’t need money.

HANCOCK

Then what did you show up for here in the first place, woman?

MARY

I – I don’t know! I was compelled too!

HANCOCK

It’s like someone is controlling what we say and do!

MARY

We can’t do this, John. We can’t stay together for six hours, let alone six months. We’ll lose our powers and die!

JUDGE

Enough! You will follow my orders, or I will hold you in contempt!

HANCOCK

But your honour, you can’t expect us to die trying to –

JUDGE

Silence, asshole!

HANCOCK

What – did you call me an –

JUDGE

You heard me. And there’s nothing you can do about it, is there, ASSHOLE?

HANCOCK

It’s true, I- I can’t resist-

MARY

What’s happening to us, John? Why can’t we fight back against a washed-up comedian playing a Judge?

HANCOCK

That’s no comedian.

JUDGE

(Evil laugh) Of course not, fool! Apparently when you forgot your past, you also forgot your nemesis. Allow me to reintroduce myself. (The JUDGE pulls off his mask and robes to reveal his true identity.) You may call me… THE CONTRIVER!

MARY gasps.

HANCOCK

Must… reach… pocket!

HANCOCK strains to reach his pocket, but collapses, unable to break the CONTRIVER’s will. Suddenly, HANCOCK’s hawk swoops in through the courtroom window, and grabs an object from HANCOCK’s pocket.

CONTRIVER

What the hell-?

The hawk drops the object on the CONTRIVER, who is repelled but seems unable to drop it.

CONTRIVER

A Hostess Fruit Pie! Even I can’t resist that flaky crust and real fruit filling!

MARY

Hancock- we’re free! I can think for myself again!

HANCOCK

Me too, Mary. That’s why I always say man’s best friend isn’t a dog- it’s his bird.

MARY

(Affectionately) Oh, Hancock.

Our heroes laugh as they take turns punching the CONTRIVER in the stomach, who is still trying to eat the fruit pie.

THE END

Advertisements

About Scott M

www.potzrebie.com
This entry was posted in Movies. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Week 32: Hancock II

  1. Scott Thomas says:

    It sort of writes itself. Unfortunate it doesn’t “right” itself.

  2. Jay says:

    LOL! Awesome!
    I love the Vegas and Hostess combo. Throw in some 100 million dollar meaningless visuals and you’ve got a sure fire hit.

  3. JBarry says:

    Every bit equal to the First I’m certain .:)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s