Week 5: Cloverfield

Movie: Cloverfield
MPAA#: 44015
Showtime: 8:50
Companions: Mare
Attendance: about 10
Weather: cool, clear, snow flurries
Food: Dr. Pepper from Smartcart, Reese Bites from concession stand; am officially addicted to Reese Bites as a movie snack.
Expectations: average
Expectations met?: exceeded significantly
Pre-show Ads: don’t know, missed them due to slow service at concession.

Prom Night – presumably a remake of the late 70s Canadian horror film that starred Jamie Lee Curtis and Leslie Neilsen, which I saw several times on TV in subsequent years growing up. The original was actually kind of creepy and above-average for that kind of film. Not optimistic about this one.

Jumper – looks goofy, but I think I want to see it, if only to see another Jedi fight.

Iron Man – also looks goofy, but I have always enjoyed this character and am looking forward to it. Crossing my fingers that none of Iron Man’s old villains (ie., The Mandarin) are involved.

The Ruins – read this book by Scott Smith (A Simple Plan) last year after a glowing review by Stephen King. The whole time it felt like I was reading a screenplay, if that makes sense. If they go where the book goes, it will be scary as hell and pretty gross besides, but based on the trailer it looks like some things got changed around. We’ll see.

Star Trek – oh, J.J. Using the “wonder of spaceflight” theme to pimp another Trek movie? If you want people to be interested in this film, I suggest you cut together a trailer of Kirk blasting a hole through a Klingon with a phaser, dropkicking someone, and teabagging a green-skinned alien girl while Spock cocks an eyebrow and calls it fascinating. If you do the Robert Wise thing and spend 20 minutes in the shuttle flying around spacedock I will fly to L.A. and wreck your shit.

Kids, did I ever tell you about the time that an alien hellbeast tore its way through Manhattan island? Well, in the spring of 2008, I got home one day to a surprise party that your Aunt Lily threw for me because I was supposed to be moving to Japan for work, and she had your Uncle Hud go around with a video camera filming people saying goodbye. Hud? No, uh.. you never met him.

Anyway, everyone was having fun, and I had a bit too much to drink and said something I shouldn’t have to your mom. Of course, she wasn’t your mom then, we weren’t even really going out, so she left and went back to her place. Your Uncle Jason and I were talking about it on the fire escape when we suddenly heard this big crash, and- no, uh, you never met him either. *cough*

So we went inside to see what was going on, and at first the news said that it was just an oil tanker exploding in the harbor, which would be bad enough right? We thought maybe it was another terrorist attack, so we went up to the roof to try and see more, and, ha, we saw more all right. There was this huge explosion, debris flying into buildings all around us, so we made our way to the street just in time to see the Chrysler building fall over, and the old head of the Statue of Liberty rolled right down Fifth Avenue, I swear I could have reached out and touched it. Yes, it used to have a different head, it didn’t always look like Oprah. But that’s another story.

So it turned out this huge beast was attacking the city, which at the time was pretty unusual. We didn’t have evacuation plans for this kind of thing, so we just kind of listened to what the Army told us to do, until the Brooklyn Bridge was destroyed, then we decided to try our luck in the subway tunnels so we could see if your mom was OK where she lived up in midtown. You know those big spider things that live in the subway? That was the first time we ever noticed them. I don’t know if there’s a connection or not.

To make a long story short, we managed to find your mother and help her out of her building, and escaped in a helicopter only to have it crash in Central Park. Hud was filming the whole time, I don’t know how the camera battery lasted so long, but it did, and then your mom and I lost it in a tunnel when they dropped that bomb on the creature. Isn’t that always the way? We searched around for it, but of course we were temporarily blind and we had radiation poisoning.

Still, we made it out ok in the end. Things got back to normal after a couple of weeks, and I decided not to move to Japan so I could be with your mom. It’s funny what it takes sometimes to realize that the right person has been in front of you all along.

Recommended?: Yes
Crowd reaction at the end of the movie: subdued
Weird credit: Set Dressing Foreperson – Greco!
Credit cookie?: yes; scrambled audio apparently has someone whispering “It’s still alive.”
For further consideration: who wants more to be the next Rod Serling, J.J. Abrams or M. Night Shyamalan?
Opening next weekend: In Bruges; Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins; Spiral; Fool’s Gold
Please god, anything but: Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins

About Scott M

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